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Memories Burn Like Gasoline
I hate you,
For making my life unbearable.
I hate you,
For treating me like I am nothing.
And I hate you,
For turning away from me when I needed you.
I fear you,
Because of the pain that you made me feel.
I fear you,
Because of the anger you always show
And I fear you,
Because of the power you have over me.
Of the way that I live.
Of the way I wish it all would end.
And I'm scared,
Of losing control and losing my life.
And yet I love you,
For preparing me for the hardness of life.
I love you,
For bringing me up the best you could.
And I love you,
For letting me go.
Come Back Live Within Me
Where did you go?
A flash and you vanished from my sight;
like a child abducted by some evil minded pervert.
But people still talk, they talk in rumours
they talk in lies.
They kid themselves, to ease their minds
the possibility that someone could have harmed you;
rather than you harming yourself.
I don't understand people, and neither did you
Rednecks, fucktards, bigots, close minded loggers.
Words spew from you, pen to paper heart and soul.
Poetic, fragile, Pisces.
Blonde locks and blue eyes
Vaginal flowers, talk for hours
But you're gone
with your rage, your grace your untouchable face.
Within memories and soft spoken words out of tune guitars;
live within me, my pulsing organ, my shattered mind
my clenched fist, gritted teeth.
Speak in tongues and I'll understand, get me off
one line at a time
you make me weak, weep, still and always.
My SKIN has scars
white lines etched over TIME
A on the hand, a LUST gone bad
a teenage CRUSH
an over reaction, to NOTHING
scar on my foot
burn, skin BUBBLED and blistered
too YOUNG to remember
scar on my belly
a fight I think, messing with the wrong girl
people think I'm SWEET, people think I'm nice
this girl didn't
scars on my calf, rabbit bite MAYBE?
'nother fight, I don't know
too many scars, too many MEMORIES
too many things to remember
but the CUTS that hurt me worst
the DEEPEST scars I own
are the ones inside, on my heart and my SOUL
I can't be WITHOUT you
scar number 1
I need to know you need ME
scar number 2
I could count for days, it wouldn't matter
the scars keep coming.
SLICING me open with kind words and sweet gestures
I don't understand how I LOVE you could hurt so much
and leave such a SCAR.
Kit GLOVES are the order of the day
I haven't seen my SKIN in a while
I don't wanna SCREAM and hurt my throat
just to get you to LISTEN
I need some LOUDNESS, I'm sick of the quiet
had enough of walking on EGGSHELLS
PARANOIA should be your middle name
even though I know you've had reason
this isn't one
I just need a FRIEND
I can't breathe for FEAR of your ears bursting
give me something to work with
I do everything you ask
how can I listen when you don't SPEAK
you get away with MURDER
I'm left BLOODY by the highway
WHIMPERING, not understanding
what the hell I did
The SPARROWS are coming
and MOTHER is here
brushing my hand and leading me HOME
trying to be EVERYTHING you want me to be
when I don't know what that is
out of a job
a ball of twine, coming UNDONE
I Am I Dont Know
I\'m average height, people say I'm thick, that's just a polite way of saying fat, I have green eyes which change with weather and mood, long legs, lanky arms. I have long hair so I can hide, wear makeup to cover my flaws, I smile when sad, hide when I cry, I love my children, but I'm jealous of their innocence and naivety, I smoke too much, I drink even more, I'm an empath and I wish I wasn't, I'm not sure who I am, I have pale skin with bones beneath, my soul aches, when I scream nothing comes out, or maybe no one listens, I feel love, I feel anguish, I'm homesick, I'm confused, I'm torn, I question myself when I think I'm right and they're wrong, I ask too many questions I feel like I'm going to implode, I like to have fun, dance, talk, walk funny, I have problems making friends with women, I like hanging out with guys, no one understands, I want to be cloned, so I have someone to get along with, I'm easy going, but I never seem to get the same treatment, I try to see the best in pe
The Evening Over The Fields
Remember The Evening Over The Fields?
Today I cried.
Now anyone who knows me will tell you I don't like to cry, but today's tears weren't tears of sadness or tears or joy, they were tears of a daughter who finally realized that her father loves her and remembers her with the same tenderness and caring that she loves him. but is too far away from him, or hold him, or see him cry with her, she now knows that he remembers the little moments that though they seemed to important to her seemed to mean nothing to her father at the time, probably lost somewhere in the jumble of memories of his deceased wife and a long life of hard work.
But I spoke to my dad today, I mentioned the old books we had of many a famous artist, and how I used to love to get the books down and look at the wonderful colours and sculptures, but instead of the conversation just trailing off into the normal, "so how've you been? how're the kids" something different happened.
"Where are you at ? I like it" h
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
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